I love my mundane life; it isn’t complicated at all now. It used to be VERY complicated when I was a nurse and got more complicated as a nurse manager and then as a director.

When I was a floor nurse, I took care of patients for 12 hours; 3 or 4 days a week then go home. I was exhausted but after a day off I felt better. I was able to spend time with my family and by myself.

I decided in 2016 that I wanted to go into management and that is when it all changed. I worked 24/7.  If I didn’t have enough staff for the night shift, I would have to go home and take a nap so I could work a 12-hour night shift after the 12+ hours I had already worked. I would go home, take a nap and go to work during working hours for management because I had to do my job too.  That happened more often than I would have liked.

I thought the upper management was great and supportive until I opened my eyes, it was a good ol’ boys club that they would not let me be part of nor did I want to be. I loved my staff and took great care of them and the patients on my unit, but it was never good enough for upper management.

I took the worst unit in the hospital (no one wanted to work on this unit and patients requested not to be there) and turned it into one of the most requested units to work on and patients even requested to be there! My hospital scores went from in the dumps to the highest in the hospital (except the maternity ward).

That wasn’t good enough for upper management, they gave me an ultimatum one day out of the blue which no human could possibly accomplish so I left, with a heavy heart, I left.

Then in 2019 I decided to become a director of nursing at an assisted living facility because apparently, I did NOT learn my lesson. I LOVED THAT JOB! the staff and the residents I spent a lot of time with the residents……! Except again upper management would not allow me to do my job. I did get some stuff implemented and staff liked to work with me. But again, it was 24/7 but with less help or support than my previous job.

On my days off I couldn’t relax or do anything because I was so traumatized by my job and what fresh hell was coming next from my bosses because they just “NEEDED IT TO GET DONE NO MATTER WHAT!!” But didn’t want to help or give suggestions.

This happened to me twice in my chosen career which is sad. Middle and upper management does not have to be ruthless and cruel and playing the corporate game is hard! I did not want any part of it and that is why it was difficult. The jobs themselves were fun and enjoyable but the game was exhausting!

I did not realize how traumatic my management jobs were until I changed course in my life journey by retiring and getting in the semi with my husband. It is amazing how much a person doesn’t know about themselves or the effect their job puts on their health, family and social life until changes are made and paths veer in a whole new direction.

It took me about a year and a half to stop jumping and getting physically ill when the phone rang, or to be able to relax and sleep well. I now don’t need my bite guard at night because I stopped grinding my teeth due to stress. My blood pressure is back to normal, and I can do extracurricular things now like Tarot, read and embroider.

I have been in the semi for almost 2 ½ years now. I still love it but it isn’t perfect. I still have stressful times, but they are different stressors, ones that I can work through and recoup from nicely. It doesn’t hurt that I am with my best friend and husband almost 24 hours a day.

Next week I will talk about how I can live in such a small space with the same person for 24 hours a day!

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